Birthday. Party.

Birthday parties are meant to be fun for everyone. So what do you do when you don't know anyone? In my case, stand in the corner silently, and be happy when people start talking to you. It was fun. It was happy. I left, disappointed. Not in the party, not in the host, not in the other guests, but me. Sure, I talked to you. Sure, you hugged me. Where was my love for you? Standing in a corner silently, hoping to go unnoticed. Why?? There were a group of awesome people around, and it just hid itself. And I let it hide. You know the feeling you get when you realize all the strangers are really fun and nice, and you never had to worry in the first place? I got that on the outer layer, but inside, I was still shut tight. I don't know why I'm so worried about keeping it hidden around strangers. I'm so, so sorry. I know it's stupid, and it has to stop.

Best song ever

Gimme All The Garlic Bread In The World Nancy! - in the style of Abba I was sick and tired of everything, When I called you last night from my house. All I do is vacuum and empty the dishwasher and put away my laundry, Wishing I was Bill Gates. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme all the garlic bread in the world! Won't somebody help me own a Transformer! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme all the garlic bread in the world! I really want to own a Transformer! Nancy, I was defeated, you won the war. Nancy, promise to love me forever more. Nancy, couldn't escape if I wanted to. Nancy, knowing my fate is to be with you. Noooooo-noooooo-noooooo-noooooo-noooooo Nancy! Finally facing Nancy. You are the sleeping director, here in my house. Sleeping director, feel the beat from the tambourine. You can own a Transformer, you can own a Transformer, having the time of your life. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! all the garlic bread in the world, Won't somebody help me own a Transformer!

Insert title here

Every time I tell you I'm trying. It's true. I'm trying to convince the scared side of me to go away. And if it was only that simple. He's a very stubborn one. I tell him that if I'm in love with you, I should be able to handle these simple little things. He thinks about it, then he backs off, and I have my way. Until the time for action arrives, then he jumps back in control like it'll be the end if I do whatever I was planning. I ask him why, and he just says, "what if you're wrong, what if it makes her hate you, do you really wanna risk that?" And I know he's wrong, I know if I screw up, you won't totally hate me (I think). Yet somehow, he's very convincing. I regret it every time I let him win. And it sucks. I can't stand being this useless, and I can't stand being me. Somedays I just wish I could switch personalities with someone. I think you'd like me better that way. I know I would.