Faith. (mine, in particular)

I hate my spirituality. It's barely even there anymore. I lie to all these people, saying I'm a Christian. But that means so much more than "I go to church." it's one big, fat, fucking, lie. I'm not a Christian. I hate to say this, but I don't know how to believe it anymore... I used to absorb it...now it just beads up and drips off, like water on a duck. I go to church because they want me to play drums! That's all. I'm lost. And I don't know if He'll ever find me. Or if He even wants to find me. I'm sorry, to everyone I lied to. Especially you. If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. (1 1:6 MSG)